kassidy's notes

Life Should Continue

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Thu, 31 May 2012 16:08:00 +0000

Life continues...

It's the end of May, it seems to me that hours, days and months are just passing the way they should, but I feel that I am not making the most of my time here on earth. My depression is on and off especially with all the events that have happened recently especially the death of my cousin. I still cannot believe that he is gone. From time to time, I get flashbacks of our childhood days - playing by the river, riding our bikes or simply just watching countless Betamax movies during the weekends. I miss him so.

There are times I feel like a failure. Do you ever had those days that no matter how hard you try, it's just not good enough? I do. Salt gets rubbed in when you go to Facebook and you see your friends/classmates always posting happy photos and all too positive events in their lives. Are they really that happy?

Sometimes, I wonder.

Still...life should continue.

Why Certain Foods are Bad for You

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Thu, 31 May 2012 15:48:00 +0000

There are a lot of foods that many people would consider to be very bad for our health. These are foods that just happen to taste good, but at the same time they are things that we should not eat. Often times these are the things that are some of the hardest things that we have to avoid. Things like cheese cake and chocolate may seem like they are something that would be good for us, but in the end, it is something that is not that good for us at all, and it is something that we should eat sparingly, if at all.

One of the problems with things like cheese cake and chocolate is that they are not only items that taste good to us, but they are also tempting. These are some of the first things that we include in a party or celebration type setting, because these are the items that we are sure that everyone else at the gathering will like. More often than not, if sweet items are on the menu, there is going to be a greater number of people that enjoy the food that you have prepared.

Technology has advanced to such a degree that it makes it so much easier for us to choose the foods that are bad for us, rather than making the commitment to live a healthier lifestyle. Convenience is something that everyone is looking for in this day and age, because we are all so busy with work, school, and living our daily lives. Sometimes this can get in the way of us being able to care for ourselves and our families in the way that is best for them, and thin often includes the kinds of foods that we feed them. A lot of us forget that the kinds of things that we eat affect the outcomes of our lives, and the live of the other people that are around us. There are also very real health reasons why these kinds of food are not good for us. If these kinds of foods are eaten to excess it can cause things like heart problems, and it can also cause things like weight gain among other serious health issues. These are problems that can easily be fixed if there is serious work put into making health more of a priority.

The good news is that there is more of a emphasis being put on getting to a healthier place in life. More and more people are realizing that obesity and the side effects are becoming more widespread, and it is something that we will have to deal with as a country. There are ways that people who are suffering from these kinds of issues can deal with them, without having to go through drastic actions like operations, or other similar things like that. These are life changing events, and something that no one should have to go through. It is also the main concern when it comes to evaluating what we eat.

Late Spring Update

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 19:56:00 +0000

My brain feels numb and my eyes blink uncontrollably. I have so many things on my plate. I have one more presentation tonight, and I am itching to get it done. I still have three semester papers to write, so I am absolutely incapable of doing other things these days. Let's just say, school has taken over my life for the moment. Summer vacation is still beyond my grasp. I could picture it in my head, but I can't just gosh darn taste it.

It's the last week of spring semester. Boy, I'm so excited. I am in dire need of a little rest, a little getaway, a little vacation from my usual life.

Just an update in bullets:

felt depressed coming from my hematologist yesterday, platelets went down
sixth month follow-up at NIH next week
been feeling tired lately
yesterday, I made my 26th sale at my Etsy shop
I can't wait to spend the summer crafting and creating more products for my shop
a short vacation next month
wedding preparations still on its infant stage and I'm already stressed - because of no return calls and no e-mail responses

Spring List

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 18:44:00 +0000

I know my last post was depressing. I was feeling really low, and I'm still slowly recovering from it. Thank you so much for the encouragements. I'm a constant work in progress. I just need to stop worrying. I cannot control what the future brings, but I am content that each day brings new hope.

Spring is obviously here, and I love this time of the year. It's so colorful, bright and full of life. After the soil's long winter slumber, it comes out rejuvenated and fertile in spring.

There are a few big things on my list during the coming months:

I have started planning for my wedding; nothing written in stone yet just brainstorming. Who would have thought that after all the heartaches that this day would come? I'm just hoping I won't become bridezilla especially that one person I know is trying to outfox me...sigh. (This is the same girl I talked about on this post; guess what, she's also engaged.)
I am excited to see the TULIPS. It's time to bring out my camera again.
I have to prepare for my class presentation and write my final papers for this semester. I am excited about taking a break during the summer.
My Aplastic Anemia sixth month check-up will be next month. I hope and pray for great results.

I'm Annoyed (Re-Post)

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 18:36:00 +0000

The movie You Again, which is about former high school rivals meeting after high school, reminds me how I'm dealing with my former (really?) high school arch nemesis these days. We weren't physically mean at each other, but we've always competed intellectually. I thought that moving to the US would save me from seeing her again; besides, I'm still not satisfied (will never be) with my school's religious reasons why I wasn't given due recognition back then. My school didn't take into consideration the damage they have caused but this is meant for another entry. About three years ago, I heard that my former high school rival found employment near my area. Since we're high school classmates and we come from the same town, I thought contacting and offering to meet her would be a good way to heal old rifts and leave old issues behind. I was so wrong. When I drove to meet and pick her up (she wasn't driving at that time) that day, the first thing I heard is, "Oh, Ganyang car din yong gusto kong bilhin." (That's the same car I wanted to buy.) I ignored her comment and offered to drive her around instead. She then asked me if I could help her purchase a laptop, so I took her to the nearest tech store and helped her purchase her new toy. We didn't meet again after a year because she was being moved around by her agency to work at different nursing homes. For our next meeting, I offered and suggested that she can stay at my apartment overnight. She came to my place driving a car similar to mine. Coincidence? Maybe.

Fast forward, we were seating at a cafe one weekend just chatting about what we're currently doing and what our current projects are, and I came to mention about my on-going project renovating my house. I don't know what part of our conversation triggered her to blurt, "Kaya ko rin bumili ng bahay." (I can also buy a house.) I still didn't take malice from her comment, but then she went on saying that she's planning to buy a condominium and that she'll start buying furniture soon. A week after our meeting, I saw on her Facebook profile that she posted the photos of the houses she's looking at. I thought, "Hmmmm...." Exactly!

Last month, we met at a Filipino buffet lunch. I thought it's best to just meet for a few hours and an overnight stay is no longer an option. We got into talking about travel since she saw my travel photos on my Facebook profile. She asked me where I traveled last year. I mentioned London and Paris. Guess what? She just posted on her profile she's planning a trip to London next year. Are these just mere coincidences or is it just me misinterpreting her actions? I admit that my drive to compete was reawakened, but compete in what arena? Has the competition been upped to a different level? What are the criteria for judging? Is it going to be who drives the most expensive car, who owns the bigger house, or who traveled to more places? Is this what she's trying to invoke or convey?

The old issues I've buried are resurfacing and I've been finding myself aggravated, attacked and annoyed. Maybe I wasn't ready to meet her yet or maybe I should not have thought of even seeing her again. Now you might ask, why do I keep hanging out with this person? I do it for the main reason that "we come from the same hometown." Now, I am seriously considering avoiding her and not indulging in her antics. Would that mean defeat on my part?

I now have more questions than answers. Is the old high school rivalry reawakened and transposed to a different time and location? How do you deal with an old high school rival without getting annoyed?

Not A Match

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 14:38:00 +0000

Yesterday, I got a heartbreaking news from my doctors.

"My two siblings are not a bone marrow match for me."

It felt like thud on my chest. I felt alone.

I think it's okay to feel bad for now...until I get all my bearings in the right place. I feel miserable inside and out.

Outside, the rain keeps pouring.

South Texas Summers

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 14:33:00 +0000

Posted by Von Battle

Last summer was a hot one here in South Texas. I am originally from Vermont, so it was very difficult for me to handle. I just married a man who is in the Air Force, and they moved us to San Antonio in November. I was happy that the winter was mild, but I had no idea what a summer I was in for! It was so hot that I didn’t even want to go outside. We had several weeks where every day was over 100 degrees. When I left the house, I felt like I was stepping into an oven. Not only was it very hot, but the humidity was intense. I couldn’t get my hair to stay straight, and I always felt like I looked like a sweaty mess. I went to http://www.tvbydirect.com/ and immediately upgraded our Directv package so I would be entertained while it was so hot outside. I’m hoping that next summer it won’t be so hot, but this time at least I’ll be prepared.

Fear

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 17:04:00 +0000

I've been feeling down since my last blood test. Foremost reason is that my platelets went down to 34. A few weeks leading to my blood test, I was feeling good and thought that I'd be getting my life back, but one low count of platelets takes me back to a whirl of depression and fear.

Fear mostly that I might still go down the road of a bone marrow transplant, fear that my platelets are going down again and I am helpless in stopping it, fear that I may not have enough strength to go through this roller coaster ride and fear that I'm just delaying the inevitable.

Longwood's Flowers

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 20:57:00 +0000

Although it's winter here , the Longwood Conservatory still has all sorts of flowers blooming. When we visited before Christmas, they had a Christmas theme going on in addition to their tropical flowers, winter flowers and more.

Red Winter Berries

Poinsettias

Winter Begonias

This is an orchid, but I forgot to check the name.

Some flower I like but can't remember its name.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL!

February - A Month Of Blessings

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 20:36:00 +0000

February started busy:

I opened my Etsy Shop - kayni's kreations. I'm so excited but wasn't prepared on the amount of hours and work I have to dedicate to it. I still have to make my first sale.
I have tons of reading for school. So far, my subjects are more interesting than the ones I took last semester.
After our annual meeting, work's picking up and paper work is piling up. I miss my down times.
I am thankful and happy I received a very generous pay increase.
Tomorrow, I am off to Las Vegas with Mom and Kepi. My Dad is meeting us there, so I can't wait to see him.

Just a short update from me. Keep smiling and keep busy.

Goodbye January

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 21:31:00 +0000

It feels like yesterday we just welcomed 2012, but now, the first month of this new year is bidding adieu. January brought me a lot of realizations and I hope to impart them with you.

I am another year older but I don't feel my age at all. For my birthday, we had a small celebration - went to a restaurant, had my own cake and opened presents.
My platelets are stable in the higher 30s, which is a huge difference when I was stagnant at 19. I feel a lot better and I am hoping it will be near normal at the end of this year. It's a slow progress, but it's a step forward from where I've been.
Grad school taught me that I don't know a ton of things and there are people who are far more knowledgeable than I am. I am astounded how intelligent majority of my classmates are and I am glad I have this opportunity to learn from them.
I love ginger ale.
Sleep is a beautiful thing.
This month, I found new addictions - bags and beads. I'm not sure how long these addictions are going to last, but I have my mind on putting up my necklace, earrings and bracelets up for sale soon. I'm currently working on the details.
A woman scratching my car at my doctor's parking lot is a blessing in disguise. The rust problem on the same side of the scratch was included during the body work repair at a very cheap price.

Was January good to you? I really hope so.

Corporate Gifts

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 20:28:00 +0000

Brought to you by your friends at corporategift.com.

At the company where I work for, in addition to the quality service we provide, we also maintain great business relationships with our customers by sending Corporate Gifts. Our boss usually takes so much time deciding what kind of gifts we send to our partners and customers. We usually send Business Gifts as an appreciation for our customers and to simply let them know how important they are to our business. We also send gifts during the holidays just to let them know that we remember them and it's important to let them know that our business relationships is important.

If you or your company is looking for some ideas for corporate gifts, maybe it's time to check out corporategift.com. This website is informative and will certainly give you ideas what's the Best Corporate Gift to show your appreciation with your business associates and customers. Also, I really like the informative articles about corporate gifting, as it makes you more aware of what proper gifts should you be sending your business associates. So, what are your ideas for corporate gifting.

Thankful For Another Year

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:48:00 +0000

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count.

It's the life in your years. (Lincoln)

Photo Source

I am thankful to be here.

Football Fever

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:44:00 +0000

Contribution by Terrance Kirby

The game had been the topic of heated discussions for the entire week. There is nothing like football season in our Baltimore Maryland home. We begin most Saturday mornings sipping on coffee and watching direct TV Baltimore to get the game schedule. It is then and only then that the honey-do list be taken seriously. It’s all about priorities folks. Having been married for 13 years I have learned a thing or two about the old hubs. Not only does he work incredibly hard during the week to provide us with more than enough, he also needs his ESPN fix with no interruptions. I am happy to oblige him and he is way more likely to do what I ask of him with a smile on his face rather than in a resentful manner. Not to mention you can plan a little shopping trip while the big game is on. What could be better than some alone time in the retail world? Now, I just wonder what he will think of my New Orleans Saints t-shirt?

LP: Mahal/Pagmamahal (Love)

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 18:34:00 +0000

Siya ang aking Ina. Walang katumbas ang kanyang pagmamahal at pag-aaruga sa aming pamilya. Siya'y tunay na ilaw ng aming tahanan.

(She is my Mom. Her love has no equal especially in loving and taking care of her family. She is truly the light of our home.)

Of Birthdays And Being Me

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:29:00 +0000

I"ll be celebrating my birthday in a couple of weeks. Am I really that old? However, I am happy with what I have done and accomplished. I rarely compliment myself so my first statement alone is a good start.

Birthdays tend to make me reflective and sentimental. Although the idea of getting old scares me, I know that there's been so many enlightening moments in the process of maturity. It's a relief to mature (setting aside fine lines and wrinkles) and to know what I really want in life. I no longer second guess myself and my decisions. I no longer depend on my family and friends for decisions. I no longer crave for the approval of other people because I know that the only person that needs my approval is "me."

Most importantly, I now know that the only person that knows me truly to the core is "me."

New Year, New Hopes

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 21:12:00 +0000

We welcomed 2012 with simplicity and high hopes. Our New Year in Maryland was quiet and unmuddled by the noisy, flashy fireworks. We treated New Year's Eve as a time of reflection, a time to let go of the past and a moment of renewal. We had a quiet dinner and spent the night watching movies. We did watch the ball fall at Times Square at 12 a.m. That's the moment that struck me, a brand new year just started ticking. I couldn't believe that finally I could leave 2011 behind and look forward to a brand new year.

Our butterscotch New Year cake from the Korean bakery.

For good luck, Mom bought all these for New Year.

We also made suman. When I went to the Vietnamese store, I saw them unloading boxes of Banana leaves, so I bought a whole pack. How I miss suman.

Here's our small, simple spread for New Year's Eve dinner.

The star on the dining table is this lechon al horno I made. This came out really crispy and delicious. I've always made lechon by frying and this was my first time making it in the oven. I'd love to make this again.

Now, I have to put my 2012 list together and get excited to start a brand new year.

2011 Roundup

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 14:59:00 +0000

2011started with a blast. I traveled to Denmark, Finland, Estonia, Russia, Germany and Sweden (you can read about my travel adventures at kayni's corner cafe). I finally was living my dream - to travel worldwide. After coming home from these trips, my aplastic anemia wanted more attention. T'was in the midst of September that my platelet count started to decline. The months of October and November were a blur; it was a mixture of depression, ER trips, lots of bloodwork, sleepless nights, pain and tears. These were rough months. How badly I wanted 2011 to end as soon as possible. I yearned for a brand new start, but most of all, I wanted my disease to go away, but aplastic anemia doesn't work that way; AA has its own schedule. It took me a while to understand my situation - that I have to learn to live with this disease but should never let it define my life.

Currently, I'm under treatment for more than a month now and my recent bloodwork showed improvements on my platelet count. I'm not yet overly excited as it could just be a fluke. If my next bloodwork shows more improvement, then I'd say my current treatment is working. I am praying that the medication is working, as I have been feeling a lot better compared to how I've been the past few months. I still get tired easily but not as often as it used to. I would be out-of-breath just by climbing a few steps but now it's been bearable to go up and down the stairs at home. I hope that this is just the start of great beginnings - my road to recovery and normalcy. For 2012, I intend to fight stronger and beat AA.

In the Fall of last year, I also went back to grad school. I got accepted to Georgetown in 2009, but deferred starting my studies for some reason. It was challenging to be working full time, dealing with hospital visits while attending night school and writing papers to the wee hours of the night. There were nights I'd feel weak and fatigued that Kepi had to drive me to school and wait outside my classroom until my class is over; those times I saw how much I'm loved. Kepi's never left my side even when the going gets really tough. Thank you so much, Kepi. As I am preparing to attend Spring semester in a couple of weeks, I am praying it will be smoother. I also intend to get my degree in three more semesters. I am also happy to report that I got all As this recent semester, and I hope to do a repeat in 2012.

2011 was filled with ups and downs, but there's one thing that tops all my experiences this year - this is the year I got engaged. Kepi proposed to me on top of a rocky ledge at the Blue Ridge Mountains. It was an absolute, wonderful surprise. This is one day in my life I'll never forget and no one can take this away from me. We haven't set a date for the wedding, but hopefully, we'll get our schedules straightened out soon. If you were to ask, I want a small, simple and intimate wedding. However, I do want a grand honeymoon.

2011 was a full year. A year of challenges and triumphs, a year of tears and growth, and a year of loss and gain. I am hopeful that 2012 will be a great year - a better year for all of us.

To a wonderful, blessed New Year! Welcome 2012!

Our Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 15:08:00 +0000

Here's a peek into our Christmas weekend.

We tried not to pack a lot of activities during this weekend as it was more about being with family and celebrating the birth of Christ. We did manage to drive to the National Harbor and watched Santa and the Elves ski. It was windy and chilly at the Harbor, but we still had a lot of fun checking out the Christmas decorations and watching Santa and the Elves water ski.

Looking up the Christmas Tree at the National Harbor

Families gearing up to watch Santa and the Elves ski

Saw this sign at the National Harbor

Dizzy enjoyed playing with the Christmas wrappers

Hey, it's my wrapper!

A beautiful bracelet from Kepi.

And something I've been wanting for so long, a mixer.

Youngest in the Family

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 15:04:00 +0000

Content by Mauricio Benson

Being the youngest in the family means I get tasked with teaching everyone about technology. I know it sounds like not that big of a deal but when you’ve constantly got to walk people through http://www.direc4u.com/ and how to use their smartphone and where the buttons on the security alarm are well, that can get old. I love being good at technology but it means I’m the first person anyone calls when their computer breaks and whatnot and I’m not exactly an IT guru. I don’t have the time to constantly be fixing everyone’s tech and I’m also not great at it so they get mad at me when I don’t know the answer! I know my parents have been given thousands in free It help through me and my sister’s really no different. I mean, I respect that they’re trying to get with it but at the end of the day I get really sick of constantly being a teacher – sometimes I’d just like to get out my iPad and not be bothered for a few hours!

Greetings

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 14:22:00 +0000

Thank you so much for always reading and commenting.

A wonderful Christmas to all.

The Day I Gave In

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 13:53:00 +0000

I've been to the Coach store several times in the past and ogled at their bags. I don't know how many times I've walked out of that shop empty handed. However, this weekend was a different story because I walked out with two bags. I've known myself to use shopping as a stress outlet, but this time it was different, I think one of the reasons why I bought a Coach bag was for celebration. I've survived some tough months this year, and I am very happy and thankful I am here today. Buying that bag was a celebration for me - that I am working on getting better every day.

I love how the lady wrapped the bags in Coach sheets and attached each a sticker on them. Also, they don't just give you your shopping bag on the counter. Instead, they walk out of the counter and hand you your shopping bag. That was a nice shopping experience.

This is an early Christmas present for me.

I got this one for my Mom.

Additional reasons why I decided to shop that day was, I was handed a 30% off coupon and the bags were already half priced. I just couldn't resist.

Flowers

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 00:45:00 +0000

Brought to you by your friends at http://www.serenataflowers.com.

I love flowers! No matter how many times Kepi sends or brings home a bouquet of flowers for me, they never fail to brighten my day. There's just something about flowers that bring smile and cheer to brighten even my most stressful day. So how about sending your love ones some smile and cheer during the holidays? The good thing about ordering flower deliveries online is that you can order them anytime and rest assured it will be delivered beautifully on time.

If you're looking to order flowers, check out serenataflowers.com. They have the loveliest and most attractive flowers I've ever seen. Their website is well organized and shopping is easy. Check out their Christmas Celebration selection and I'm so loving the combination of fiery red roses and scarlet carnations. I think these flowers would make a lovely center piece in someone else's home. And if you'd like to find a way how to at least make the beauty of these flowers last, you can find out about additives for cut flowers to make their beauty last longer.

I Have Something To Smile About

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 15:46:00 +0000

I miss the colors of spring, but winter has its own beauty too - if you know how to see it.

There are a few special things making me smile these days:

My recent bloodwork showed that my platelets went up from 23 to 32. I feel more secure being in the 30s; I don't feel too fragile when being bumped or hit with objects. I hope the upward trend will continue and that I'll reach normal counts in a few months. Prayers really work.
Work bonus is definitely something to smile about. I am hoping that pay increase will follow soon.
Starting my bead project: I've been wanting to replicate my grandmother's Igorot necklace. It's been an adventure hunting for the rights beads, but I'm getting there.
Planning next year's trips. I finally got a "go ahead" signal from my doctor that it's okay to travel.
A new coat - I'm retiring a few of my wool coats, so I thought this winter is a good time to get a new one. I hope it arrives soon.
Driving to the outlets and Longwood this weekend. I'm so excited.

I do hope you have tons to smile about these days. Look for happiness and give it a home in your heart.

Missing The Islands

noreply@blogger.com (kassidy's notes) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 16:26:00 +0000

Aloha from chilly DC. Every time I hear the song "Mele Kalikimaka," I feel a tinge of sadness pricks my heart as I miss the islands especially this time of year. I usually go home for the holidays, but this year is different, I need to be in DC for my current treatment. I miss the warm weather, the abundance of Hawaiian/Filipino treats, and the numerous Hello Kitty shops I love to visit there. It will be just Kepi, Mom and I for Christmas. I was hoping Dad can join us but his company doesn't allow vacations this time of year unless he filed one real early this year. We'll just have to make the most of it and celebrate Christmas in our hearts even if the family is apart.

December 1st marks my second month under treatment. I'm a little worried because my last check up showed signs that my white counts are low, which makes me susceptible to infections and any sickness out there. I've been really careful staying away from sick people, avoiding crowded places (which doesn't make it easy since it's the season for shopping and crowds seem to be everywhere), staying away from children and carrying antibacterical wipes with me everywhere. I just have to be very careful. I'll be seeing my Hematologist this Wednesday and I'm praying for better results.

Setting aside the health garble in my life, today is the last day of class this Fall semester. Tonight, I'll be submitting my final paper and presenting my findings. I've been working on two final papers the last couple of weeks, so I'm glad this week is a culmination of all those days of research and reading. After tonight, I can breathe for a month before I tackle Spring semester next year. Spring semester's classes look less demanding, as I am taking one elective. Unlike this current semester where I took two core courses, and it involved a lot of reading and writing.

I am done with my Christmas shopping list, so today, I felt like buying stuff for myself. I bought a sling bag and a pouch from Etsy. I'm so excited. I'll post photos once they arrive. I can't believe how shopping can be so therapeutic sometimes.